Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in sicksicklilgirl's LiveJournal:

Sunday, July 23rd, 2006
2:11 am	can'tsleepcan'tsleepcan'tsleep OMG I can't sleep. But I'm not taking klonopin anymore because I don't want it to lose it's effectiveness. or whatever. if i go off it for a week or 2 then it'll start working again. Lately I've been in a constant state of panic. I'm so freaked out. I'm scared I'm literally going nuts. I'm so scared all the time. And the family drama isn't helping. I won't go into it...but it makes me feel on unsteady ground with my aunt. and when my mom was alive that would've been ok...because I would've had my mom on my side..but now that my mom is gone, my aunt has like..taken her place as much as a person could....and i dunno. it makes me feel unsafe. and then with the weirdness with my fiance today. and with my head cold. and with the moving soon. everything! it's like AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. and i can't seem to push down the panic. it's very much on the surface. ok ok ok ok ok ok ok okokokokok breathe, kid, breathe. I'd love to take some klonopin right now. but i'm gonna stick to this plan. ugh. Current Mood: panicky! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 22nd, 2006
9:31 pm	Ack Today was so weird. I have a really bad headcold, it makes me really dizzy and confused. So I was just kinda laying there...and cuddling with my fiance...and we started kissing and fooling around a bit and then i started getting dizzy and i think i kinda passed out..and when i woke up he was so sad. and he kept apologizing and saying that he was a bad person, and that i trusted him and he betrayed that trust. and I dunno..I was so freaked out. He said I deserve better than him and then I started crying because I was afraid he was saying he was gonna leave me. He was in a really sad mood after that, so I decided to get him back in "the mood" because it was the only thing i could think of .. and afterwards he was happy and acting like nothing happened. and I dunno...I feel so weird about it. I never thought he did anything wrong in the first place, but then he all of a sudden felt better after we had sex. the whole thing just feels weird. i feel like i need a long hot shower. I trust him more than I've ever trusted anyone, so I don't know what's wrong with me. ugh. sorry for the rant, journal. Current Mood: sick (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
12:26 pm	I'm in a strange mood today. How stupid is it to get emotionally involved in an online game. i mean, it's an online community, so there are real people there...but it's a game. don't make friends. friends just hurt you. that's how it works. it's something i learned when i was 18 years old. when my sister and my best friend both betrayed me within months of eachother. I mean...hello?!?! did i lose my bitterness or something. why do i always open myself up again. and then there's the whole silliness of it...getting your feelings hurt in what's supposed to be a game. God I'm so stupid sometimes. but it's probably for the best. I should stop playing silly online games and actually do things in REAL LIFE! REAL LIFE?! WTF IS THAT?! heh, i got so involved in it in the first place to get away from real life. ok i'm rambled enough. I'm just waiting for fianceman to wake up so i can have some entertainment. mmm i should eat too. my tummy is talking to me. ok, there's my ramble for the day. well for the early afternoon anyway. Current Mood: annoyed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 25th, 2006
2:57 pm	Dear Mister Journal Dear Mister Journal, Ok Here's the sitch. I've mistreated you. i apologize. I just used you to dump all my negativity on, and that's just not fair to you. So here's the deal, I deleted it all. We're going to start fresh, you and me. Oh yes...I'm going to give it all to you. The good and the bad. Are you up for it? yes, yes you are. Ok. That's all I had to say. Talk to ya later! Love, Me (2 Comments |Comment on this)